Blast from the past.

Had a weird night the other night there. I was steaming through my college work, eyes stinging from sitting so close to the big TV I use as a monitor, when I realised I was going to need polypockets. No probs, I think, I'm sure there's some stashed in the wardrobe......

Ah. The wardrobe. I have fitted mirror wardrobes in my bedroom, they were built when I was 16 (yes, everything was black and white and people had to crank start their cars) and over the years have accumulated so much shite, junk, trash and rubbish that I rarely go in there. I cleared out the lower shelves of the middle section and store my clothes and stuff there, the rest is a wee shrine to days gone by. Old school books, love letters, old comics, drawing books...... I rarely go in there.

I got a step ladder and started raking through the junk up on the top shelf. There weren't any tod mags, if that's what you're thinking, I had the sense to hide them more discreetly (I remember that, I hid a load of scud books under a chest of drawers when I was about 15 and forgot all about them, imagine my horror when my girlfriend decided to rearrange my room while I was at work.... at least it wasn't my mum :P), I was determined not to get caught up in old memories.

I lasted about 15 seconds before I came across an old school jotter. I spent the next hour or so reading through things that brought so many happy memories back. A list of christmas movies I had wanted to record on my brand new vhs video when I was about ten, an old drawing book that I'd had when I was thirteen and used to draw every day.

And the love letters. Ah the love letters. I still have all my old valentines cards, letters, teddies, all stuff I should have got round to throwing out years ago. I've never been able to face throwing them out, or even looking at them for a long, long time now. I found an old tape that I remember has a tune that was written for me on it, I don't have a tape player any more but I doubt I could have listened to it anyway.

It's weird, looking back. Seeing all those things from my past, from when I was just a wee awkward boy right up to when I was about 20, you realise how much you've changed over the years. I miss those days I suppose, whole world ahead of us and nothing bad could happen. Makes you wish you could go back now, give myself a shake and change the way I was, maybe things would have turned out so much differently. Ach, you can't do that though can you. We have to play the hand we're dealt. I might not have the aces any more, but I'm not out of chips yet.

I might keep some of it, I don't know, maybe a few old school books (I seem to threaten to shoot one of my teachers in a homework jotter I found, I was a weird kid), the old comics are staying (I found a cracking 2001AD comic that I actually remember buying about 20 years ago!), but the rest will have to go.

If you store up all the crap from your past, there's no room for a future. Jesus, if anyone should know, it's me.

Erm. Sorry, bit depressing this one. Cockrockets! There :D