Hmmmmmm.

His eyes opened. It wasn't exactly darkness, more sort of..... brown-ness. It soon became apparent he wasn't in his own bed, but on a couch of some sort. Instinct kicks in..... "Is my arse sore?" It wasn't. OK. That's a very good thing. Now..... where am I, what time is it, what day is it....... and who's been biting my neck?

Yes. I got pissed again and woke up at 4 on a couch. I have repressed most of last night because of the trauma. I remember some things though..... dirty white jeans, too much beer, unattainable pringles and biting. Question me no farther. I may begin crying. Or wanking. Probably both.

I have to point out, however, that I am a fucking paragon of virtue! It isn't something that's valued at all these days and it fucks me at every corner, but I appear to be what they used to call "a nice person" in the old days (these days it's more commonly known as a fucking idiot.) Protector of the innocent. Pfffft. Yep, one of those twats. Need to get that sorted. It's talked me out of more shags than I've had, well, shags, and almost got me my head kicked in more than once as well. I'm more concerned about the shags.

My fucking neck hurts.

At least it's not my arse. At least it's not my arse. She did strike me as a strap-on kind of person now I come to think of it.

YES! Random music is being kind to me I am still drunk. It's a quarter past 5. I'm gonna regret this later....... unless..... WAIT! MORE DRINK! That's just crazy enough to work. Shit. I only have tennents.

Shit. I'm starting to shake.

BEFORE I FORGET! I might have mentioned, I have a Zoosk account which is basically a redneck called cletus. I think I might have had the idea that it was some sort of social experiment or something but anyway...... He's had the odd wink, but yesterday he got his first hit..... an actual dyed-in-the-wool stunner Maybe that shit they all talk about sense of humour isn't all shit after all. (It is shit. I know it is. "funny gets the fanny" my arse! I make them cry laughing then they fuck off with my mates. Every damn time.) Updtaes incoming. He's a smooth one, Cletus. Silver tongued devil, he is..... just like his hero, Hank Williams.